Be Unashamed

Sometimes, do you, like me, ever feel too peculiar? (See Exodus 19:5 and 1 Peter 2:9.)

I have felt particularly that way, perhaps painfully, since I fulfilled an assignment to speak in stake conference yesterday. (I will share the talk soon.) Can I just share with you some of my feelings? I hope my reflections help someone out there.

After hearing the other talks in the Saturday session and those before me on Sunday, I knew my talk would be quite different from the other ones given. I had been given very direct instructions of what I was to speak on and HOW I was to do so. I had never received such direct instructions on a speaking assignment before (and it was particularly different from the last time I spoke in stake conference). From the beginning, I felt it was a tall order to fill but I desired to obey. I was told to speak from my heart, to look into the eyes of the listeners, and to use minimal notes (on the subject of how prayer is vital in our efforts to forgive). I was told that when I speak, the words I say are good, but the spirit I use to speak with is powerful and to use that same conviction when I spoke in conference.

So during conference all the talks given but mine talked about prayer in general (minus the stake president's closing message). All that spoke, other than the members of the stake presidency, read their talks. Mine was an obvious "red thumb" in the mix. As requested, I spoke with spiritual conviction and I worried later that it was too strong. It was obviously stronger than any other talk given. My parents were present and said that my talk quieted the audience and I had everyone's attention. (No, I didn't raise my voice or anything of the sort (I have to laugh at that idea!); I just spoke from my heart.) As I reflected on the experience, I became more and more uneasy and even, sadly, embarrassed.

As I was thus being carried away by fear and "negative pondering," as our stake president taught is Satan's counterfeit to pondering in faith, I began to pray in earnest for understanding. Two thoughts came to mind that I'd like to share:

A talk I'd heard by Sister Julie B. Beck (text, audio) came to mind. In the talk she testified strongly that Satan is raging. She said, "The powerful feeling that has been coming over me is, 'Sisters, fight--fight, Sisters!" She was emotional. The women started clapping. I realized that the words that I spoke were simply a fight for Christ. They were strong. The thought that followed was "Be not thou therefore ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ" (see 2 Timothy 1:8). As I reflected, I realized that I had testified boldly of Him, of His power of deliverance.

Oh, sometimes, I realize, it's so hard to NOT be ashamed when you stand out so much and you feel so exposed and peculiar but we MUST be that way--UNASHAMED and willing to stand by Him NO MATTER WHAT.

It's HARD but you and I can do hard things with the Lord. So let's pick up our crosses and do it (with a smile)! :)