- Make mountains out of molehills. This is really fun. Think about all you have to do when you're in your most exhausting part of the day.
- Take everything personally. Endeavor to make everything that goes wrong your fault. This takes some skill, but with practice you can do it. I know you can!
- Do as much criticizing as you can, of yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your neighbors, leaders, people in the news, people you don't even know, fictitious people . . . find fault and promote contention.
- Eat all you possibly can. Set goals, like 300 pounds by the end of the year! Eat things that make you feel tired, give you a headache, or make you sick.
- Plan a ski trip to Las Vegas or a beach vacation in Alice Springs. Maybe a star-gazing week in Manhattan or bird watching in the mall.
- Spend a lot of time dreaming about things that will likely never come true. You as Miss Delaware or Mrs. Canada. Your husband as Mr. Universe. Your children as prodigies of math, ice sculting, music, astronomy, or Play-Doh.
- Compare yourself to others: your weaknesses to others' strengths. Don't let one person represent more than one or two talent categories, though--and don't find out too much about them except for the one thing in which they are better or more skilled than you are. (If you find out more about them, it may begin to decrease your stress and depression as you find out they have their own struggles and burdens, and they can't do everything.)
- A little "variation" on this comparing theme is to compare your strengths to others' weaknesses. It's a little more challenging, but it allows you to go deeper into judging, criticizing, complaining, and murmuring. Great stuff!
- Spend all the money you can. Get a lot of credit cards (applications will arrive in the mail just when you need them) and get out there to those malls and haul all the stuff away. (Caution: There may be some initial euphoria before the depression sets in, but it'll come--probably with the bills.)
- Don't plan your day, just let it happen. Be surprised, be shocked, be caught off guard, be frustrated. Don't do the dishes for four or five days. Set fire to the laundry.
- When you feel angry, scream and throw things. Don't stop to figure out why you're upset, just let it all out as fast and noisily and publicly and with as much drama as you can. Break things you can't replace, and say and do things that you'll regret and feel embarrassed about later on.
- Think of all the things you don't like about your home or apartment or tent or tree house (wherever it is you live). Name these things, dwell on them, tell yourself nothing is ever going to change.
- Don't sing or whistle or hum or play the piano or any other musical instrument.
- Don't socialize! Lock yourself in your room. Don't call people on the phone. Don't go outside if there's a chance you might run into someone. Don't eat with your family.
- Make a list of all the things you can think of that are awful in the world right now. Add things to the list that are awful in your neighborhood and in your life. Make the list as long as you can. Make copies. Hang them up where you'll see them often. Put the worst things in a 36-point typeface, really huge.
- Say yes to everything anyone even hints that they want you to do, whether you'd enjoy it or not, whether you have time or energy for it or not, whether it's something you feel you can do or not. Call up people to get more things to do.
--MEE Speaks, pages 111-114
